I can't accept that it's over

Quote

June 01, 2012

4 notes

"Everyone I know is bizarrely, beautifully fucked up in some weird way"

— Greg Behrendt
The Mental Illness Happy Hour (via beemallow)

Text

May 25, 2012

Things I’ve been dealing with… Excitement that I’m going to make a trip to see Ixtah happen. Terror, because I’ve been having overwhelming suicidal ideations. Discontent. Unbelievable sadness, for ridiculous reasons.

I don’t want to work on myself.

Photo

April 05, 2012

3,761 notes

wholelottadicks:

[TW FOR MURDER, GUN VIOLENCE, RACISM]

paradiscacorbasi:

siddharthasmama:

lenadreamsingold:

beware-of-shade:

kitamargarita:

ashkashh:

My cousin Nolan “Ryan” Henderson, he was killed this past weekend. On Sunday March 25, 2012. He accidently bumped into a football player they threw him in the pool and jumped him then they shot him in the face and left him there to die. Why? What was the reason. The cops are not questioning the football players at all. Me and my family will not stop until we get justice for his death. Please Pleasee reblog this and help me and my family out i really need this. #JusticeForRyan #JusticeForRyan #JusticeForRyan. Rest In Peace Ryan, ILOVEYou

YOU GUYS PLEASE REBLOG!!! MY FIANCE’S FAMILY NEEDS JUSTICE FOR RYAN!!

The hell is wrong with people today? This is so fucking tragic.

Uh… what the hell…

Wow… RIP young brother.

Atlanta. Chicago. El Cajon. The recent verdict in Baton Rouge. The recent verdict in Mississippi. And now Ryan, wherever he is. That’s six — this week alone. Trayvon was NOT an isolated incident.

Aren’t you seeing a pattern yet?

How can anyone keep calling them isolated incidents?

These unarmed people had lives and families, and they are gone now.

People of Color are killed pretty much anytime we get in somebody’s way or on somebody’s nerves. Or just for fun.

(via cuntofdoom)

Text

March 31, 2012

This week has been crazy. I tried some things I probably shouldn’t have, found that I don’t like them, and oh yeah had a run in with the police. Do you know what I have to say to them? FUCK THE POLICE. yeah. Anyways spent the night on a strangers couch and had a rough start to the work week. I really need to follow my rules and stick to alcohol only I never have good experiences with anything else I try and I really don’t want to like drugs so I don’t know why I continue to experiment. I guess I do because while I have an exceptionally high tolerance to things so am terrified that whatever dose will make me feel something may also kill me, I am also just curious and know well enough that my cheap ass isn’t going to start paying for drugs anytime soon and I don’t hang around anyone who uses drugs regularly. Missing Ixtah. Working tomorrow. Tired. MUST SLEEP!!!

Video

March 24, 2012

Today is my mother’s birthday. She’s 52 and getting a chance to live the life she couldn’t because of my siblings and I and her poor decisions. She has found a way to come to peace with the life she’s lived, the total chaos and devastation her actions have caused, and is able to trust enough to be in a relationship. I understand that she is 30 years my senior and thus has had far more time to work on becoming the person she is. When she was my age she did not yet have any children, she had her first kid (my older sister) when she was 24. She came from a loving home and although I know she felt like she was neglected or at least not given the attention she needed, being one of eleven children, she had a mom and a dad who at the end of the day had dreams and aspirations for her. Older sisters who are always there to bail her out of trouble. She has a family that is strong and has held itself together. What do I have? Myself.

Today is a day to celebrate her and her life and so I won’t let on that I am pissed. I don’t want to celebrate her. I don’t want to praise someone who made me feel unwanted, who took the easy road, who made horrible decisions, and then who got to wipe her slate clean and live her life as if we never happened. Sometimes I hope the hurt she’s caused torments her, other times I just want my mom back. I want to be able to trust her and I can’t say that. I won’t give her the satisfaction of actually being my mother. It’s not just her fault, Rolando did a lot of damage as well, but at the end of the day when he left she and my sisters where what I had left and both she and him worked their hardest to tear my siblings and I apart and then picked up with their own happy lives once the damage was done.

I really wanted her to ask me to stay or ask me why I was leaving when I moved away. She didn’t. I wanted her to want to be my mom. I wanted her to realize how much I was hurting or to parent me when I’d call her on my way to school (late as usual). I’ve raised myself and done a piss poor job of it. Today will be hard. We’re not allowed to have alcohol with dinner tonight because her bf just joined AA. Yeah… I haven’t made it through a single family get together fully sober in years, if I learned one thing from my parents its that a drink makes unpleasant interactions a lot more cheerful.

I’m going to head to bed before tears or some other ungodly manifestation of my anger kicks in.

Here’s to another year for my mom and another year of me being me. When does it end?

Text

March 22, 2012

So when does love become ambivalence? Its such a strange phenomenon. I’ve tried to track this and find out when my feelings changed. I have no idea.

I found berry berry kix. Favorite childhood cereal ftw tonight.

So caring about most of my friends very much. Not caring about much else though. I did buy food and have slowly been chipping away at my house. God I have to get to bed.

I make me want to scream.

Text

March 12, 2012

Happy 8th birthday

Today one of the most beautiful, wonderful, perfect little ladies I know turns 8. We didn’t meet until she was a few days old, but I’ve essentially known her for 8 years exactly. I love the little dork more than I can explain and when I have needed a reason to live she’s provided me with one. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALI JULIETTA HALL!!!

Chat

March 12, 2012

8 notes

Katniss and Peeta couple name

sis: so while I was taking a shower I was thinking of a couple name for Katniss and Peeta…
me: oh yea? what did you come up with?
sis: Peeniss
me: ……..BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! XDDDDD
(via keytomyheart626)

Photo

March 09, 2012

5 notes

So i’m giving the butterfly project a try. It feels like it has been forever since I self injured, but feelings have been creeping in so I’ve heard of the butterfly project and I figured I’d give it a try. I searched the house like a madwoman this morning looking for a sharpie. I found one finally and got to work on my butterfly. Now I don’t know if you have all heard of this project but there are rules.

Rules:

1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on your arm or hand.
2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.
4. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you’ve killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.
5. If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.
6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.
7. Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.

Pretty simple right? Yeah, so hopefully things nice.

If you know someone who could benefit from this project definitely share, it may work for them.

Tags: self injury cutting butterfly butterfly project making a change